I discovered he was extremely knowledgeable about biblical Greek and had worked on translations before, so eventually I [jokingly] said, “Nice, when does your translation come out?”

He answered: “Tomorrow.” I thought he was joking too, but he wasn’t. He and his dad were literally publishing their finished New Testament the next day, the work of years (more on this later).

It just happened to be Christmas when he said that, and our family spent the evening with some friends. I just happened to mention this, and the wife says, “No way, I have a copy of that in my car!”

And yes, she actually did, and I got to keep it. I had a fun time taking a picture and sending it to my new acquaintance, who was quite puzzled how I was able to get it the same day as we started talking about it, and the day before he published the finished version!

I won’t share the entire story, but as it turned out I now had a physical copy of the GHT, or “Garth’s Hyper-literal Translation”. Here is an excerpt from the translator, Mr. Wiebe of Maynard, which encapsulates the idea behind his translation:

Many have endeavored to produce an English translation that is “faithful to the original Greek text.”  In reality, they have all produced translations that are faithful to the English at the expense of the Greek, focusing on how to translate into the best English possible, with the tradeoff being how literal, or at least faithful, to the original Greek they can still remain after doing so.  Yet there is and can be no such thing as a “literal, word for word” translation.  The set of words in each language do not have a one to one correspondence to each other, nor does the grammar, nor do the composition and style rules map.  My translation will not accomplish such an impossible feat either, nor even to my own satisfaction, but it will take the additional step of being much more faithful to the Greek, sacrificing proper English grammar, punctuation, composition, and style, bringing out every word, nearly every grammatical construct, and every meaningful subtlety in the original text, only endeavoring to still keep the text readable and understandable in English.  And that is the goal of what I am calling “Garth’s Hyper-literal Translation,” which I will abbreviate “GHT.”  It is not like any translation you have seen before.  I focus on how they said it, rather than how we would say it.  As much as possible, I avoid interpretation (“it says that but means this”) but instead say what it says the way it says it.  Where others have fallen short due to an English language mindset, which they impose upon the Greek, I have much more closely followed the sense and flow of the Greek language.  That is why it is so very awkward in English.  It will take some getting used to, to read it this way.  But if you don’t know the Greek, this will get you the closest to it, and those who do know Greek may question the virtue of being so “hyper-literal,” yet they will have to acknowledge that it brutally accomplishes that objective.

I was instantly smitten. I’m unskilled even in English grammar, but often curious about translations – how they can be so different, and what goes on behind the scenes. Why this word here? Why neuter this pronoun? The GHT helps even me, a Greek beginner, to understand a bit more about the complexity, and get a little closer to understanding a foreign language. I can even sound out words like a five-year-old now.

My new acquaintance, Mr. Wiebe’s son, has put extensive work into coding a website version of the GHT. The coding is a real work of art in terms of database design, speed, and powerful search features in Greek or English. With his permission, I wanted to make his site look “better” or more usable, at least for my tastes. He generously helped me break his code so I could move things around. I had one or two ideas that he liked and incorporated into his version.

Anyway, I have completed a version I consider usable. Enjoy, and let me know what you think. I’ve found a lot of enjoyment reading this clunky, beautiful translation.

One more thing: The entire project is in the public domain – that means no copyright. It’s entirely free to copy, both the code for the original website AND the translation! Here is a link to the repository if you are interested in making your own clone!

This takes constant vigilance and some tough decisions. My daughter has had to “suffer” in the sense of not being able to watch things that many of her friends have, but I am concerned with the finished product and make no apologies. I have of course sometimes changed my mind with regard to a particular work, especially as Alice has grown up.

Jill and I grew up on absolute swill, with a few exceptions. Movies that we watched many times normalize all kinds of sinful behaviors. The Boomers, as a whole, allowed their kids to watch anything marketed as a “family” movie, and blindly trusted new technologies. In many ways subsequent generations are still putting out the fires.

Movies and media in our family are all “blacklisted” by default. This means all books, movies, shows, and websites must be approved. Even then, some movies/shows are only watched once as a family. The best ones make the “whitelist” and are given to freely enjoy. The criteria for approval is not going to look the same for everyone, but here are mine:

• Little to no sexual content, innocence is priceless. I don’t allow kissing unless it’s a married couple or a wedding. Also no “romance” that propagates our culture’s insane “dating” norms.
• No language I do not want repeated. I’ve allowed occasional exceptions for “light” profanity or rude words, but these never make the whitelist.
• Overall, must have a neutral or positive worldview, even if sad. Always ask, “What are the authors trying to communicate/teach? Are they pushing an agenda? What will my child learn from this?”
• TV shows often get worse with every subsequent season
• Given their track record, Hollywood is distrusted by default
• Disney (aka Devil Mouse) is even worse and often blacklisted merely for the name. There are a few exceptions on a case-by-case basis.
• Older content is often just as bad as today, I try not to glorify the past as such
• Slower is better. Modern “kid” movies are obnoxiously fast-paced for a reason.
• I usually avoid movies labelled “Christian”

Some websites that have helped me research or even just find movies I didn’t know existed:

• movieguide.org
• jesusfreakhideout.com
• unz.com

Finally, this list only contains movies that the whole family has enjoyed, that I would recommend. Favor given to movies that are less well-known, because you’ve probably seen all the “mainstream” ones.

THE LIST

12 Angry Men (1957)

Our whole family enjoyed it despite the total lack of action. Good springboard to talk about the justice system.

A Boy Named Charlie Brown (1969), Snoopy Come Home (1972)

If you like the Charlie Brown Christmas movie, you’ll love these adorable movies. I even love the music.

A Man For All Seasons (1966)

Wonderful film about Thomas More.

Addams Family (1964)

One of the very few TV shows we all enjoy in its entirety. Good marriages in cinema are rare.

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends (1959 – 1964)

Satirical wit, puns, dry humor! The bad animation means it had to be well-written. Fun for all ages because of the cute flying squirrel!

Babette’s Feast (1987)

Touching movie depicting life in a quieter time & place, and some good examples of duty and holy living.

Benji the Hunted (1987)

I watched it over and over growing up. If your kid likes cute (but real) animals, they will enjoy it. Sad in places.

The Black Stallion (1979)

An island survival –> horse racing movie, it’s great for kids who love horses, or just a good choice for an evening classic with the fam.

Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

It’s a war movie about Americans in a Japanese POW camp, but surprisingly entertaining for the family, with an overall message of the futility of war. I’d avoid for younger children.

Cromwell (1970)

A movie about Oliver Cromwell. Quite a few historical inaccuracies, but an enjoyable family movie.

Dersu Usala (1975)

Charming Russian movie about a trapper.

Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1939)

A charming old movie about a schoolteacher. Not historical, but loosely based on a book that was loosely based on a real man.

Harvey (1950)

A cute old movie about a rabbit. Occasional mild innuendo.

Hoosiers (1986)

Movie about an Indiana basketball team. Low-key romance, one kiss.

Hugo (2011)

Decently entertaining adventure movie, nothing questionable. Not one of my favorite movies, have only seen once, but certainly not bad.

How Green was My Valley (1941)

A dramatic “life in a small town” kind of movie. Good family values and some sad moments.

Invader Zim (2001)

A hilarious show with a cult following. A lot of rudeness and cartoon violence, probably best for older kids.

Jeeves and Wooster (1990 – 1993)

A great show about a foolish British dandy and his intelligent butler. Improves vocabulary if you look up words you don’t know! Some romantic elements, but generally in a silly way. Sticks remarkably close to the books from the early 1900s.

Lassie Come Home (1943)

An old movie about a boy and his dog. A very different culture from today, interesting from this vantage point alone. Sad in places.

Mr Bean (1990 – 1995)

A hilarious British show with very little dialog, but brilliant acting. Occasional innuendo, and a lot of awkward situations with the main character often ending up running around in underwear. I always avoided the hotel episode (ep 8) for kids. Most skits are benign and funny for all ages.

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

To be fair, I have not seen this movie, but the girls recommend it for almost any family. They prefer the original Japanese version with subtitles, not the dubbed version. Avoid the 2005 Disney version.

The Chronicles of Narnia (1988 – 1990)

Not to be confused with the horrible modern movies that do not do the books justice, this older BBC series is very well done. The costumes are a bit silly and low-budget, but there is no fakey CGI either. Loyal to Lewis’ intentions, ideas, and stories. Alice loved these growing up.

Prince of Egypt (1998)

For a Bible story movie done by a mainstream studio, it’s extremely well done, and manages to be entertaining for the whole family.

The Red Balloon (1956)

If nothing else, a beautiful scenic tour of 1950’s Paris, warts and all. Our whole family likes it. If you’ve never been emotionally attached to a balloon, you will be.

The Secret Garden (1993)

If you like the book, you’ll like this movie which stays pretty close to it!

The Secret of Roan Inish (1994)

Kind of a weird, slow movie, but idyllic and funny at times. Set in 1946 so it’s “old-fashioned” in a good way. It’s an inside family joke to yell “JIIIIIMMY” and if you see this movie you will know why.

Tagebuch Einer Biene (2021)

Mostly an educational film about bees, but extremely well-done, even has a bit of a plot as it follows a single bee around. The camera work is amazing and almost unbelievable, yet real.

Tora Tora Tora (1970)

A slowish war movie that has nevertheless been praised for its attention to detail and accuracy. Very popular in both the US and Japan, which is hard to do considering it’s about Pearl Harbor! It attempts to be fair to both sides, and accurately describes both cultures. Great for older kids and parents, even just for the history lesson.

The Tree of Wooden Clogs (1978)

A movie about poor Italian peasants, set in the late 1800s. Kind of like a famous, but older book – hard to get through, but generally worth it.

Treasures of the Snow (1980)

I read the book (1950) many times growing up. It attempts to teach Christian charity through story, and does a pretty good job. The movie is not a cinematic masterpiece at all, but it does stick fairly close to the book and is generally “wholesome”.

Veggie Tales (1993 – 2002)

The show goes way beyond 2002, but for me this is the last year I’d recommend it. Up until this, it’s a great family show with a lot of memorable songs, great Bible lessons, and funny moments. Alice and I agree that like many shows, it doesn’t know when to quit, and gets worse with the years.

Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005), A Grand Day Out (1989), The Wrong Trousers (1993), A Close Shave (1995)

All entertaining family movies, with the possible exception of some mild innuendo and scary elements (yes, they manage to make clay seem frightening at times). I’m not recommending all their movies/shows, just the ones above.

Where the Red Fern Grows (1974)

A charming “Tom Sawyer” kind of movie about a boy growing up in the south with his dogs. Very sad in places, and one kid is killed in a tragic accident. Based on the book, which made all of us cry.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

A very oddball movie, but overall a good family one. Some scary parts for younger kids, like the trippy tunnel scene. Does not stick to the book, and the author (Dahl) hated the movie.

The Wind in the Willows (1988)

Quite possibly my favorite movie of all time. Perfect blend of whimsy, nature, action, humor, and nostalgic English culture. The book, which is brilliant in its own right, is carefully adhered to. I can’t explain why I love it so much, but it’s the kind of wholesome fun that makes the family laugh together without guilt.

The base game isn’t much, just an engine, but the strength of the game is that you can mod it like crazy and turn it into just about anything you want. There are many games, mods, and servers based on things like PVP, racing, parkour, survival, RPG, etc – all running on the same base game!

Many years ago I started poking around and modding a very popular addon/game called Lord of the Test. As I made changes, I’d incorporate them into our family’s gaming sessions. Cousins and friends have come and gone over the years, and we still play together about once a week.

After many hours of coding and tweaks/ideas of my own, the project has taken on a life of its own over the years. This is called “forking” a project.

Since I started with very old code to begin with, much of my work has been patching it over as updates to the base game came out. Things that used to work fine sometimes end up breaking. But I’ve more or less kept up with it for about ten years.

Recently I submitted my project to the game’s own repository – a collection of mods and games you can download from the game itself. It was accepted and published this past week! While I’m no professional coder, it’s encouraging that my code and ideas for the game will be enjoyed. I’m also quite thankful for the many [real] coders whose shoulders I stand on. I have borrowed code and ideas from so many and just tweaked them slightly. Fortunately this is encouraged in the FOSS world!

My game is called TolkienTest. Here are some screenshots of fun times we’ve had over the years playing it!

When shooting this fast, I often fail to fire or drop arrows. There’s not much power or accuracy either. But I do love the combat archery style we have developed over years of dueling! We can quickly adjust based on what the shot needs. I think of it like this:

In other words, everything is a trade-off. I know, there are some people who can do everything at once. I’m not one of them.

Spring, and fishing weather, can’t come fast enough this year! I miss my river in the summer. It’s so tranquil.

I’m coming for you, fishies!

I’ve been trading around guitar gear for years. The search for the perfect tone is an obsession few understand, comparable to an audiophile spending large amounts of money chasing the “perfect” sound system. Arriving would be boring (and impossible) – it’s all about the journey. Many times have I waited for the latest overpriced gadget to be delivered, like a puppy in the window, only to be heartbroken when it didn’t sound the way I expected.

For many years now I’ve actually used one piece of gear almost continuously. It’s been a mainstay in my rigs since 2012. The Ethos Overdrive fits me extremely well. It’s compact and sounds the way I want. I like that it’s invented and made by one guy in New England rather than a big corporation.

The Ethos is modeled on the Dumble sound. The real amps go for nearly $100,000. There are less than 300 in existence. As you can guess, lots of players try to chase this sound, and gear manufacturers are happy to facilitate that.

What has fascinated me lately is WHY I like that sound. Can the same sound be achieved with extremely cheap gear, or am I just biased? Could I, or anyone else, tell the difference between the “real thing” and a cheap copy? What are the individual components, and how important are each?

After playing through this gear for so many years, I’d like to think I could tell the difference between it and something else – especially if I was playing my guitar through it!

Recently I got a MOD Dwarf. I like it for a few reasons. It’s compact and works well with Linux – in fact the unit itself is just a Linux computer that runs LV2 plugins, many of them open source!

I made my own AIDA captures of all the Ethos settings I regularly use. This took many hours to get working locally – tweaking Python scripts and values, waiting all night for it to run them, and then extensively A/B testing each to make sure it was indistinguishable from the actual thing.

The end result is that I was able to craft a preset that allows me to sound pretty much the same as my Ethos for performances:

As a side note, I love the Dwarf editor. It’s browser-based, so it works on any OS. Very easy to use, no software to install.

I’m very impressed with the captures, but it got me thinking. Now that I had all these OD, EQ, IR, and amp models at my fingertips, could I make something that “sounded like me” with built-in, garden-variety LV2 plugins? And if they did differ a bit, might it be possible that I liked the sound *better* than my beloved Ethos? Scary questions.

So I did. As of today, this preset features a base Ethos model (my standard overdrive sound) and three different ways to sound “pretty close”:

So we have

1. The base Ethos capture with cab sim
2. SD-2 –> Mesa IR –> HP/LP filters
3. SD-2 –> EQ based on Neo Creamback –> HP/LP filters
4. SD-2 –> Built-in IR blend –> HP/LP filters

The thing with four buttons lets me toggle between these four. I’ve done this for hours, and sometimes the girls will help me blind test by clicking a random switch while I play guitar and try to guess. Despite my familiarity with my own gear, I have a bad track record of guessing. This feels both good (that I created the sounds to fool myself) and bad (my ears must be faulty).

The sounds can get uncannily close! Remember, there is no actual amp sim anywhere except the original capture. I’ve modeled the sound of a $100,000 amp with a few filters and a cheap overdrive pedal, and it’s darn close.

See if you can guess which is which! I used a looper to put the same exact thing through each chain. The first is my “reference” capture, my tweaked Ethos settings that I’ve gigged with for years, using the on-board cab sim. The rest are in random order.

Some things I’ve learned:

• Amount and character of overdrive is not hard to imitate
• Cab/IR makes biggest difference to overall sound
• The more distortion, the easier to imitate
• HP/LP filters are very important to my sounds

And da coooookies

And now here… we have a situation where the beloved singing Frosty the Snowman suddenly didn’t work. Upon investigation we saw that his guts had been ripped out! Upon more detective work it was revealed who the culprit was…. I guess after so many years of singing kids toys one is entitled to a break!

A lot of truth pills in here, but I certainly nodded a lot, and paused many times to say things like, “This lady wins the internet for today.”