The human vermin must be exterminated. There is no other way.. When you’re up against the wall it’s either scratch or be scratched. In order to justify my actions (not that I must do so, of course) I provide you with the following transcript, instigated by that horrible, rabid, cat-hating human. You will also note that I was provoked first, and yet answered with only firm correction. A second offense I shall not forgive from this reckless peasant, especially when he threatens me. The nerve! He shall have to be eliminated.<\/p>\n
The first offense:<\/p>\n
\nHey there, little buddy!<\/p>\n
I just thought I’d send you a quick email to see how
\nyou are doing. Did you get that worm problem fixed
\nyet? Hope you feel better soon.<\/p>\nLater,
\n~Nate\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\nNote his blatant disregard for royalty, his extreme lack of manners, and his intrusion into private affairs. I answered in kind:<\/p>\n
\nNathan:<\/p>\n
\tI shall grace you this once with a reply, but should you attempt to write me such foolishness in the future, do not expect a reply at all.<\/p>\n
\tIn the first place, such a degrading salutation is not appropriate for your station. Whence did the peasant population begin addressing nobility so? You may address a cat as “Sir”, “Madam”, or “Your Grace”, but never a phrase like “little buddy”. How absurd! You’re lucky I don’t have you declawed for your disrespectful attitude.<\/p>\n
\tSecondly, my health concerns are mine, and those of the servants I choose to share them with. As you are NOT one of the privileged few caring for my every need, you may keep your remarks about my health to yourself.<\/p>\n
\tAs far as your wish regarding my health, you need not bother. Of course I realize that you wish me to be in perfect health. Else whom would care for you ignorant guttersnipes?<\/p>\n
Ubu the Cat\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The second, and final offense came in the form of the following letter. It was the last straw – you shan’t be seeing this peasant scum again.<\/p>\n
\nListen Pond Scum…<\/p>\n
I used to like cats, but now I’m having second
\nthoughts… how many lives do you have? Nine? We’ll
\nsee about that.<\/p>\nI will not tollerate such ignorant behavior from such
\na small animal, claws or no claws. You should be
\ngreatful for the benevolence of those people like Ben
\nand Jill who look out for your well being. Yes, not
\nall cats like you get to just lounge around all day…
\nsome are actually doing something with their lives
\nlike killing mice. Sounds like you need someone to
\nput you in your place, you smelly mangy animal.<\/p>\nI’d watch your back, cat.<\/p>\n
~Nate\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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