Category: Christian Theology

I am a friend of God
He calls me friend

Israel Houghton

Jesus is a friend of mine!

“Friendship with Jesus” by Joseph Ludgate (1898)

…intimate friendship with Jesus results in men becoming like Him.

Harry Fosdick

Jesus is God but he humbled himself to walk with us. He is our friend, our brother.

Pope Francis

The more I seek to know God through the years, the more these kind of lyrics and quotes make me uncomfortable. I fully acknowledge that I’m the odd one here, because they are very common and popular. I also realize I’ve already lost half my readers. To those that are left, let’s explore the issue more deeply.

First of all, being a friend of someone is different than being a friend to or for someone. English can be weird. “Bob is a good friend of mine” is not the same as “Bob has been a good friend to me”.

I don’t have a problem with the latter in reference to God, i.e. “God has shown Himself a friend to sinners,” but I do have a problem with the former. To call oneself a friend of anyone implies equality, and in regards to great or famous people we rarely talk like this unless certain conditions are met.

Moreover, when people do make claims of friendship with famous or important people, or those higher up in status, they are generally doing so to elevate themselves. I find myself often doing this even in the church, to my shame – “humble bragging” about who I talk to, hang out with, and who my mentor is. Somehow it always turns out these people I name-drop are more popular or influential than I am.

The more important or “high status” someone is, the more obvious it is that he who claims friendship with that person is dropping names. And conversely, the truly humble people I’ve met avoid these claims, focusing rather on praising or promoting their “betters”. A great picture of this is the classic master-servant relationship, seen in beloved characters like Batman/Alfred, Wooster/Jeeves, Frodo/Sam, Robinson/Friday, or Sherlock/Watson (notice that all these are male). Despite the obvious “friendship” borne out of years of working together, neither party would speak of the other as anything else besides “master” and “servant”.

And if one party was to break this “rule”, it would always be the master in the relationship who, in order to show favor to his loyal servant after years of service, condescended to call him “friend”.

The truly humble servant would of course be extremely flattered, not being able to fathom this “equality” with his master. Even in this moment of happiness the master/servant relationship is never lost – and even after the servant would never claim friendship. It is a badge of honor he treasures in secret, but would not proclaim in public.

Keep this pattern in mind, we’ll come back to it shortly.

Our culture has lost this relationship. We are so obsessed with “equality” that we cannot stand the idea of a servant in any sense. This ignores reality and (worse) attempts to create a false reality. We are not, can not, and should not all be equal.

Kung-fu movies (and the culture of martial arts) really show an understanding of the master/servant relationship. So does any good army. So do the Jedi. Hierarchy and discipline are primary; any mention of friendship is either non-existent or takes years to appear. For men, this kind of relationship can exist in perpetuity, and is even desirable, because each party knows his place.

The church must encourage these types of relationships, because men hear phrases like “intimate friendship with Jesus” and run the other direction.

On the other hand, this type of relationship is difficult for most women. Sam Gamgee was modeled after the “batmen” of WWI, the loyal “errand boys” of their commanding officers, but I know of no female counterparts (the family mentioned Ruth & Naomi, a great exception). I’m sure this can happen in a good marriage, and indeed the Bible indicates that it should:

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

1 Peter 3

When is the last time you heard a wife call her husband “lord”? The more feminist a culture gets, the more shocking and offensive this becomes, because “we’re equal now”. Women have a hard time even understanding why this is good, preferring instead to call their husbands “friends”. This is not a commentary on marriage per se, but the sentiment has certainly worked its way into our churches.

Now let’s turn to a few biblical arguments. The old testament features literally one man who is called “friend” by God Himself – Abraham. No one else. Think about that. One man gets this incredible honor.

Keep in mind that the OT is replete with allegory and imagery. God has no problem referring to himself as King, Lord, God, Father, even Husband. But never “friend”. He speaks face to face with Moses, but never bestows the title “my friend”.

In the new testament, even Jesus did not claim friendship with the Father:

Christ Jesus… did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant

Philippians 2

I can’t even imagine Jesus referring to the Father as “my friend”, because this would imply equality. Rather, Jesus took the attitude of a submissive servant to show us how it’s done.