theholtsite

Ok, so it’s time to share one of the ideas that float around in my head. I’m trying to put this as non-offensively as possible, but if you end up offended by this you are free to stop reading at any time 🙂

So with Alice, I’ve noticed a tension that exists. I’ll try to explain it:

1) We want Alice to grow up a certain way
2) Some kids that Alice plays with do not have the values we want Alice to have. These kids can have a detrimental effect on Alice.

We do let Alice play with lots of different kids. She probably knows more neighborhood kids than any other kid that lives in our complex, and every kid she knows is always excited to see her. She knows kids from church, from the library, the playground, the community, and other groups she frequents.

But sometimes, if Alice hangs out with a certain kid for long enough, she starts picking up bad habits and ideas. Maybe Johnny doesn’t listen to his parents or even talks back to them. Or maybe he is mean to other kids and steals their toys. Jill and I have both noticed times where Alice gets home after a play date, and we have to “fix” a certain behavior or tell her that it’s not appropriate.

The Bible puts this concept succinctly: “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”

(An interesting aside… that verse is actually quoted from the Greek poet Menander, who most likely stole it from Socrates.)

So I understand, at this point, if someone gets angry. “Who are you to think that you are the ‘good’ company? You’re being very self-righteous!” Well, fine. But any parent understands that there are certain influences that you must protect your child from, and that prolonged exposure to these influences can be detrimental to their well-being. You can call that self-righteous, I call it being a responsible parent. What we might disagree on is what constitutes a bad influence. For one parent it’s very little (no rated X movies) and for another some G rated movies may go too far.

This concept applies to adults too. Perhaps you have had the experience of eventually becoming like those whom you hang out with most – if you even noticed the change. If you don’t want to smoke, hanging out with your chain-smoking friends every night isn’t going to help much.

But this idea can be taken too far. We’re not going to lock Alice in a tower until she’s old enough to be exposed to the world. As I said before, she plays with some children who are not like what we want her to be like. In the same way, Jill and I have friends who have many qualities we don’t wish to emulate. We don’t ignore them because of this, because we are supposed to show them love and acceptance, and not judge them. But we also do not let them become the primary influences in our lives.

That’s the balancing act and tension. It has the potential to seem very mean and judgmental if you keep someone at a distance who wants to be your close buddy, but bad company DOES corrupt good character. It applies not just to Alice, but to Jill and I too.

So how do we manage this tension? We make sure the primary influences in our lives consist of people we want to imitate. These are our mentors and close friends. We then spend some time with others whom we show love and acceptance to, but do not emulate their bad habits.

So far Alice has not noticed our policy at all. We very gently steer her to close friends whom we want her to be like. Friends who listen to their parents, know the Lord, and respect other kids. She’s not deprived – she actually has more friends than she can handle. I certainly can’t keep track of them all.

It turns out that our hero Jesus did something similar. He spend some of his time with the masses – teaching, healing. Many people loved him – he was great at parties. He chose 12 guys to travel with and train and be with more often. Three of those 12 were even closer to Jesus. Finally, he often went off by himself to pray and recharge. That seems like a great way to balance life.