I have had my share of being involved in marriage studies, marriage retreats, reading marriage books. There is a lot out there! And there are lots of helpful tips you hear along the way regarding successful communication. Say “I” statements! Sandwich your criticism between complements! Share you feelings, don’t hold them back! Most of these have some merit…but they are not the best advice of all. The best advice is found by going straight to the source – To God – to see what his word says about how to communicate well.
In my women’s group we spent last week studying communication in marriage, and really I found it like a breath of fresh air. Our focus was on scripture, and I found that just going into scripture (without adding any modern day tips of how this applies) offered so much insight. It is not the cheerful kind of insight…but rather simple and convicting… Let’s dive in:
James 1:19-20 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. ”
Proverbs 18:13 & 15:23 & 17:27 “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame…. A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word! The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.
Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Ephesians 4: 15, 25-27,31 “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold… Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen… Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. “
Proverbs 25:28 “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”
Honestly, I feel like the wisdom from scripture stands along. There is so much challenging advice about watching our words and our desire to talk, talk, talk. Listening, and being slow to speak, are basic things that, when applied, make such a difference! We communicate in *plenty* other non-verbal ways… that I don’t really see a “lack of communication” to be the issue, but rather bad communication that is usually is done with our tongue and our words.
What do you think? 😀
I asked Alice if we had any pictures of a mouth and she announced that she had just imported one from her camera. 😛
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